assignment1week2

5.1 Audience Relationship: Courteous Communication

Substitute a better phrase for each of the following:

a. You claim that —

b. It is not our policy to

c. You neglected to

d. In which you assert

e. We are sorry you are dissatisfied

f. You failed to enclose

g. We request that you send us

h. Apparently you overlooked our terms

i. We have been very patient

j. We are at a loss to understand

5.2 Audience Relationship: The “You” Attitude Rewrite these sentences to reflect your audience’s viewpoint.

a. Your e-mail order cannot be processed; we request that you use the order form on our website instead.

b. We insist that you always bring your credit card to the store.

c. We want to get rid of all our 15-inch LCD screens to make room in our warehouse for the new 19-, 23-, and 35-inch monitors. Thus, we are offering a 25 percent discount on all sales of 15-inch models this week.

d. I am applying for the position of bookkeeper in your office. I feel my grades prove that I am bright and capable, and I think I can do a good job for you.

e. As requested, we are sending the refund for $25.

5.3 Audience Relationship: Emphasize the Positive Revise these sentences to be positive rather than negative.

a. To avoid the loss of your credit rating, please remit payment within 10 days.

b. We don’t make refunds on returned merchandise that is soiled.

c. Because we are temporarily out of Baby Cry dolls, we won’t be able to ship your order for 10 days.

d. You failed to specify the color of the blouse that you ordered.

e. You should have realized that waterbeds will freeze in unheated houses during winter. Therefore, our guarantee does not cover the valve damage, and you must pay the $9.50 valve-replacement fee (plus postage).

5.4 Audience Relationship: Emphasize the Positive Provide euphemisms for the following words and phrases:

a Stubborn

b Wrong

c Stupid

d Incompetent

e Loudmouth

5.5 Audience Relationship: Bias-Free Language Rewrite each of the following to eliminate bias:

a For an Indian, Maggie certainly is outgoing.

b He needs a wheelchair, but he doesn’t let his handicap affect his job performance.

c A pilot must have the ability to stay calm under pressure, and then he must be trained to cope with any problem that arises.

d Candidate Renata Parsons, married and the mother of a teenager, will attend the debate.

e Senior citizen Sam Nugent is still an active salesman.

5.6 Ethical Choices Your company has been a major employer in the local community for years, but shifts in the global marketplace have forced some changes in the company’s long-term direction. In fact, the company plans to reduce local staffing by as much as 50 percent over the next 5 to 10 years, starting with a small layoff next month. The size and timing of future layoffs have not been decided, although there is little doubt more layoffs will happen at some point. In the first draft of a letter aimed at community leaders, you write that “this first layoff is part of a continuing series of staff reductions anticipated over the next several years.” However, your boss is concerned about the vagueness and negative tone of the language and asks you to rewrite that sentence to read “this layoff is part of the company’s ongoing efforts to continually align its resources with global market conditions.” Do you think this suggested wording is ethical, given the company’s economic influence in the community? Please explain your answer.

5.7 Message Composition: Controlling Style Rewrite the following e-mail to customer Betty Crandall so that it conveys a helpful, personal, and interested tone:

We received your order complaint via our website response system. Owing to the fact that you neglected to include the size of the dress you ordered, please be advised that no shipment of your order was made, but the aforementioned shipment will occur at such time as we are in receipt of the aforementioned information.

5.8 Message Composition: Selecting Words Write a concrete phrase for each of these vague phrases:

a Sometime this spring

b A substantial saving

c A large number attended

d Increased efficiency

e Expanded the work area

f Flatten the website structure

5.9 Message Composition: Selecting Words List terms that are stronger than the following:

a Ran after

b Seasonal ups and downs

c Bright

d Suddenly rises

e Moves forward

5.10 Message Composition: Selecting Words As you rewrite these sentences, replace the clichés with fresh, personal expressions:

a Being a jack-of-all-trades, Dave worked well in his new general manager job.

b Moving Leslie into the accounting department, where she was literally a fish out of water, was like putting a square peg into a round hole, if you get my drift.

c I knew she was at death’s door, but I thought the doctor would pull her through.

d Movies aren’t really my cup of tea; as far as I am concerned, they can’t hold a candle to a good book.

e It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there in the rat race of the asphalt jungle.

5.11 Message Composition: Selecting Words Suggest short, simple words to replace each of the following:

a Inaugurate

b Terminate

c Utilize

d Anticipate

e Assistance

f Endeavor

g Ascertain

h Procure

i Consummate

j Advise

k Alteration

l Forwarded

m Fabricate

n Nevertheless

o Substantial

5.12 Message Composition: Selecting Words Write up-to-date, less-stuffy versions of these phrases; write none if you think there is no appropriate substitute:

a As per your instructions

b Attached herewith

c In lieu of

d In reply I wish to state

e Please be advised that

5.13 Message Composition: Creating Sentences. Suppose that end-of-term frustrations have produced this e-mail message to Professor Anne Brewer from a student who believes he should have received a B in his accounting class. If this message were recast into three or four clear sentences, the teacher might be more receptive to the student’s argument. Rewrite the message to show how you would improve it:

I think that I was unfairly awarded a C in your accounting class this term, and I am asking you to change the grade to a B. It was a difficult term. I don’t get any money from home, and I have to work mornings at the Pancake House (as a cook), so I had to rush to make your class, and those two times that I missed class were because they wouldn’t let me off work because of special events at the Pancake House (unlike some other students who just take off when they choose). On the midterm examination, I originally got a 75 percent, but you said in class that there were two different ways to answer the third question and that you would change the grades of students who used the “optimal cost” method and had been counted off 6 points for doing this. I don’t think that you took this into account, because I got 80 percent on the final, which is clearly a B. Anyway, whatever you decide, I just want to tell you that I really enjoyed this class, and I thank you for making accounting so interesting.

5.14 Message Composition: Creating Sentences Rewrite each sentence so that it is active rather than passive:

a The raw data are entered into the customer relationship management system by the sales representative each Friday.

b High profits are publicized by management.

c The policies announced in the directive were implemented by the staff.

d Our computers are serviced by the Santee Company.

e The employees were represented by Janet Hogan.

5.15 Message Composition: Writing Paragraphs In the following paragraph, identify the topic sentence and the related sentences (those that support the idea of the topic sentence):

Sync is a snap with Auto-Sync. By default, iTunes automatically copies your entire music library to iPod and deletes songs on iPod that are not listed in iTunes. Or you can use Playlist Sync and select the playlists you want to sync with your iPod. If you have more songs in your iTunes library than you can fit on your iPod, let iTunes create a playlist to fill your iPod, or just update your iPod by dragging over individual songs.22

Now add a topic sentence to this paragraph:

Our analysis of the customer experience should start before golfers even drive through the front gate here at Glencoe Meadows; it should start when they phone in or log onto our website to reserve tee times. When they do arrive, the first few stages in the process are also vital: the condition of the grounds leading up to the club house, the reception they receive when they drop off their clubs, and the ease of parking. From that point, how well are we doing with check-in at the pro shop, openings at the driving range, and timely scheduling at the first tee? Then there’s everything associated with playing the course itself and returning to the club house at the end of the round.

5.16 Teamwork Working with four other students, divide the following five topics among yourselves and each write one paragraph on his or her selected topic. Be sure each student uses a different technique when writing his or her paragraph: One student should use the illustration technique, one the comparison or contrast technique, one a discussion of cause and effect, one the classification technique, and one a discussion of problem and solution. Then exchange paragraphs within the team and pick out the main idea and general purpose of the paragraph one of your teammates wrote. Was everyone able to correctly identify the main idea and purpose? If not, suggest how the paragraph could be rewritten for clarity.

a Types of digital cameras (or dogs or automobiles) available for sale

b Advantages and disadvantages of eating at fast-food restaurants

c Finding that first full-time job

d Good qualities of my car (or house, or apartment, or neighborhood)

e How to make a dessert recipe (or barbecue a steak or make coffee)

5.17 Internet Visit the Security and Exchange Commission’s (SEC) plain-English website at www.sec.gov, click on “Online Publications,” and review the online handbook. In one or two sentences, summarize what the SEC means by the phrase “plain English.” Now read the SEC’s online advice about how to invest in mutual funds. Does this document follow the SEC’s plain-English guidelines? Can you suggest any improvements to organization, words, sentences, or paragraphs?

5.18 Message Organization: Transitional Elements Add transitional elements to the following sentences to improve the flow of ideas. (Note: You may need to eliminate or add some words to smooth out your sentences.)

a Steve Case saw infinite possibilities in online business. Steve Case was determined to turn his vision into reality. The techies scoffed at his strategy of building a simple Internet service for ordinary people. Case doggedly pursued his dream. He analyzed other online services. He assessed the needs of his customers. He responded to their desires for an easier way to access information over the Internet. In 1992, Steve Case named his company America Online (AOL). Critics predicted the company’s demise. By the end of the century, AOL was a profitable powerhouse. An ill-fated merger with Time Warner was a financial disaster and led to Case’s ouster from the company. (Bovee 144-147)

Bovee. Business Communication Today, 9th Edition. Pearson Learning Solutions. VitalBook file.
5.1 Audience Relationship: Courteous Communication

Substitute a better phrase for each of the following:

a. You claim that

b. It is not our policy to

c. You neglected to

d. In which you assert

e. We are sorry you are dissatisfied

f. You failed to enclose

g. We request that you send us

h. Apparently you overlooked our terms

i. We have been very patient

j. We are at a loss to understand

5.2 Audience Relationship: The “You” Attitude Rewrite these sentences to reflect your audience’s viewpoint.

a. Your e-mail order cannot be processed; we request that you use the order form on our website instead.

b. We insist that you always bring your credit card to the store.

c. We want to get rid of all our 15-inch LCD screens to make room in our warehouse for the new 19-, 23-, and 35-inch monitors. Thus, we are offering a 25 percent discount on all sales of 15-inch models this week.

d. I am applying for the position of bookkeeper in your office. I feel my grades prove that I am bright and capable, and I think I can do a good job for you.

e. As requested, we are sending the refund for $25.

5.3 Audience Relationship: Emphasize the Positive Revise these sentences to be positive rather than negative.

a. To avoid the loss of your credit rating, please remit payment within 10 days.

b. We don’t make refunds on returned merchandise that is soiled.

c. Because we are temporarily out of Baby Cry dolls, we won’t be able to ship your order for 10 days.

d. You failed to specify the color of the blouse that you ordered.

e. You should have realized that waterbeds will freeze in unheated houses during winter. Therefore, our guarantee does not cover the valve damage, and you must pay the $9.50 valve-replacement fee (plus postage).

5.4 Audience Relationship: Emphasize the Positive Provide euphemisms for the following words and phrases:

a Stubborn

b Wrong

c Stupid

d Incompetent

e Loudmouth

5.5 Audience Relationship: Bias-Free Language Rewrite each of the following to eliminate bias:

a For an Indian, Maggie certainly is outgoing.

b He needs a wheelchair, but he doesn’t let his handicap affect his job performance.

c A pilot must have the ability to stay calm under pressure, and then he must be trained to cope with any problem that arises.

d Candidate Renata Parsons, married and the mother of a teenager, will attend the debate.

e Senior citizen Sam Nugent is still an active salesman.

5.6 Ethical Choices Your company has been a major employer in the local community for years, but shifts in the global marketplace have forced some changes in the company’s long-term direction. In fact, the company plans to reduce local staffing by as much as 50 percent over the next 5 to 10 years, starting with a small layoff next month. The size and timing of future layoffs have not been decided, although there is little doubt more layoffs will happen at some point. In the first draft of a letter aimed at community leaders, you write that “this first layoff is part of a continuing series of staff reductions anticipated over the next several years.” However, your boss is concerned about the vagueness and negative tone of the language and asks you to rewrite that sentence to read “this layoff is part of the company’s ongoing efforts to continually align its resources with global market conditions.” Do you think this suggested wording is ethical, given the company’s economic influence in the community? Please explain your answer.

5.7 Message Composition: Controlling Style Rewrite the following e-mail to customer Betty Crandall so that it conveys a helpful, personal, and interested tone:

We received your order complaint via our website response system. Owing to the fact that you neglected to include the size of the dress you ordered, please be advised that no shipment of your order was made, but the aforementioned shipment will occur at such time as we are in receipt of the aforementioned information.

5.8 Message Composition: Selecting Words Write a concrete phrase for each of these vague phrases:

a Sometime this spring

b A substantial saving

c A large number attended

d Increased efficiency

e Expanded the work area

f Flatten the website structure

5.9 Message Composition: Selecting Words List terms that are stronger than the following:

a Ran after

b Seasonal ups and downs

c Bright

d Suddenly rises

e Moves forward

5.10 Message Composition: Selecting Words As you rewrite these sentences, replace the clichés with fresh, personal expressions:

a Being a jack-of-all-trades, Dave worked well in his new general manager job.

b Moving Leslie into the accounting department, where she was literally a fish out of water, was like putting a square peg into a round hole, if you get my drift.

c I knew she was at death’s door, but I thought the doctor would pull her through.

d Movies aren’t really my cup of tea; as far as I am concerned, they can’t hold a candle to a good book.

e It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there in the rat race of the asphalt jungle.

5.11 Message Composition: Selecting Words Suggest short, simple words to replace each of the following:

a Inaugurate

b Terminate

c Utilize

d Anticipate

e Assistance

f Endeavor

g Ascertain

h Procure

i Consummate

j Advise

k Alteration

l Forwarded

m Fabricate

n Nevertheless

o Substantial

5.12 Message Composition: Selecting Words Write up-to-date, less-stuffy versions of these phrases; write none if you think there is no appropriate substitute:

a As per your instructions

b Attached herewith

c In lieu of

d In reply I wish to state

e Please be advised that

5.13 Message Composition: Creating Sentences. Suppose that end-of-term frustrations have produced this e-mail message to Professor Anne Brewer from a student who believes he should have received a B in his accounting class. If this message were recast into three or four clear sentences, the teacher might be more receptive to the student’s argument. Rewrite the message to show how you would improve it:

I think that I was unfairly awarded a C in your accounting class this term, and I am asking you to change the grade to a B. It was a difficult term. I don’t get any money from home, and I have to work mornings at the Pancake House (as a cook), so I had to rush to make your class, and those two times that I missed class were because they wouldn’t let me off work because of special events at the Pancake House (unlike some other students who just take off when they choose). On the midterm examination, I originally got a 75 percent, but you said in class that there were two different ways to answer the third question and that you would change the grades of students who used the “optimal cost” method and had been counted off 6 points for doing this. I don’t think that you took this into account, because I got 80 percent on the final, which is clearly a B. Anyway, whatever you decide, I just want to tell you that I really enjoyed this class, and I thank you for making accounting so interesting.

5.14 Message Composition: Creating Sentences Rewrite each sentence so that it is active rather than passive:

a The raw data are entered into the customer relationship management system by the sales representative each Friday.

b High profits are publicized by management.

c The policies announced in the directive were implemented by the staff.

d Our computers are serviced by the Santee Company.

e The employees were represented by Janet Hogan.

5.15 Message Composition: Writing Paragraphs In the following paragraph, identify the topic sentence and the related sentences (those that support the idea of the topic sentence):

Sync is a snap with Auto-Sync. By default, iTunes automatically copies your entire music library to iPod and deletes songs on iPod that are not listed in iTunes. Or you can use Playlist Sync and select the playlists you want to sync with your iPod. If you have more songs in your iTunes library than you can fit on your iPod, let iTunes create a playlist to fill your iPod, or just update your iPod by dragging over individual songs.22

Now add a topic sentence to this paragraph:

Our analysis of the customer experience should start before golfers even drive through the front gate here at Glencoe Meadows; it should start when they phone in or log onto our website to reserve tee times. When they do arrive, the first few stages in the process are also vital: the condition of the grounds leading up to the club house, the reception they receive when they drop off their clubs, and the ease of parking. From that point, how well are we doing with check-in at the pro shop, openings at the driving range, and timely scheduling at the first tee? Then there’s everything associated with playing the course itself and returning to the club house at the end of the round.

5.16 Teamwork Working with four other students, divide the following five topics among yourselves and each write one paragraph on his or her selected topic. Be sure each student uses a different technique when writing his or her paragraph: One student should use the illustration technique, one the comparison or contrast technique, one a discussion of cause and effect, one the classification technique, and one a discussion of problem and solution. Then exchange paragraphs within the team and pick out the main idea and general purpose of the paragraph one of your teammates wrote. Was everyone able to correctly identify the main idea and purpose? If not, suggest how the paragraph could be rewritten for clarity.

a Types of digital cameras (or dogs or automobiles) available for sale

b Advantages and disadvantages of eating at fast-food restaurants

c Finding that first full-time job

d Good qualities of my car (or house, or apartment, or neighborhood)

e How to make a dessert recipe (or barbecue a steak or make coffee)

5.17 Internet Visit the Security and Exchange Commission’s (SEC) plain-English website at www.sec.gov, click on “Online Publications,” and review the online handbook. In one or two sentences, summarize what the SEC means by the phrase “plain English.” Now read the SEC’s online advice about how to invest in mutual funds. Does this document follow the SEC’s plain-English guidelines? Can you suggest any improvements to organization, words, sentences, or paragraphs?

5.18 Message Organization: Transitional Elements Add transitional elements to the following sentences to improve the flow of ideas. (Note: You may need to eliminate or add some words to smooth out your sentences.)

a Steve Case saw infinite possibilities in online business. Steve Case was determined to turn his vision into reality. The techies scoffed at his strategy of building a simple Internet service for ordinary people. Case doggedly pursued his dream. He analyzed other online services. He assessed the needs of his customers. He responded to their desires for an easier way to access information over the Internet. In 1992, Steve Case named his company America Online (AOL). Critics predicted the company’s demise. By the end of the century, AOL was a profitable powerhouse. An ill-fated merger with Time Warner was a financial disaster and led to Case’s ouster from the company

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